How Do I Tell My Parents I Tried To Hire A Sex Worker, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Should I Quit My Job Now That All My Colleagues Are Ostracizing Me For Having Herpes?
I am an older, sexually conservative woman who got herpes from a man I was dating… My issue is that I have an unlabeled bottle of herpes medication in my desk drawer at work. My administrative assistant asked for some pain relievers, and I opened my desk drawer and shared from a labeled, over-the-counter bottle of acetaminophen. I saw her staring at the unlabeled bottle in the drawer. Later that day I went back to my office, and she and another person had actually opened the unlabeled bottle and were looking at the medicine! I was too stunned to say anything, and they left. I guess they looked at the color and numbers on the pills and looked up the medication. In the few months after that — I kid you not — several people at the office have "casually" mentioned herpes and how disgusting it is. At the company potluck, no one touched my dish. One co-worker asked about a red spot on my hand and said loudly, "Yuck, it looks like herpes!" …
I used to like my job, and I make a very high salary. If I leave the company, I fear this issue will follow me. I was not in the least bit promiscuous in my life (truly). I feel so ashamed, though.
Dear Prudence, aka Mallory Ortberg, reminds the letter writer that herpes is extremely common and manageable. Her advice is to set up a meeting with her assistant and "make it clear that it's wildly inappropriate for her to go through anyone else's medication at work—labeled or otherwise—and that it is a potentially fireable offense." Read the rest of her answer.
[Slate]
How Do I Tell My Parents I'm Being Fined For Trying To Solicit Sex?
I'm a 22 year student at college, and I'm also a virgin. So about a week ago I decided to just lose my virginity to a prostitute just to get it over with.
So I go on backpages and I pick this one girl who looks nice at least in my opinion. I call her and let her know that I'm interested in her services. She tells me to meet her at this place and to bring the money. When I show up to the place and meet her there are some guys on the couch just talking. I start to get a bad feeling about the situation, but I ignore it and talk to her. She asks if I have the money which I say that I do. When I give it to her, suddenly she and the guys on the couch go silent and I realize at this moment that I'm fucked. The guys on the couch reveal that they are undercover cops and this was a stringer operation or some shit. They handcuff me and take me to the next room.
When I'm put into the next room another police officer comes in and explains the situation to me. Fortunately for me, this would not go on my criminal record. However there will be at least a $500 charge ordinance violation for this. Also my car got towed and I will have to pay for that as well (an extra $300)…
Which leads me to my parents. I don't have a grand to pay for this stuff or someone to take me to get my car. I have a job but I don't make enough to pay for this and my rent. So I'll have to tell them the truth about this but how do I go about doing this?
This letter, which appeared on the r/Relationships subreddit, has unfortunately now been deleted, but not before it was screencapped and posted to Twitter. So was one redditor's empathetic and sage advice: "That sucks, dude, oh my gosh. Please trust your instincts better." This person also advises that the letter writer tell his parents only that his car was towed, which just might work.
It's Crazy To Spend Lots Of Money To Keep An Old Dog Alive, Right?
My girlfriend is crazy (maybe literally?) about her dog… Since the beginning I've known her dog is a big part of her life, and that's fine with me, though I've never had or wanted pets myself.
The thing is, I've started wondering about her priorities. The dog was diagnosed with incurable kidney disease. He is 10 and had a good life and I expected Amy would put him down.
Instead, she's spending insane amounts of money on "supportive care" (specialty vets — yes, there is such a thing — meds, supplies, etc.) and plans to keep him alive as long as his "quality of life" is good. She has to give him fluids under the skin every day, cook him special food and so on.
To me, all of this is just crazy for a dog who is going to die anyway. I can't help but think of all the worthwhile things she could be doing with that money rather than throwing it away on her dog, who, as I said, is going to die anyway.
It's gotten to the point where she has asked me to refrain from even talking to her about this, and I wonder if this is a sign that she loves that dog more than me. Are Amy's priorities screwed up or am I insensitive?
Carolyn Hax's rejoinder to this letter writer: "You're going to die anyway. Should anyone cook you special food?" (Touché.) Hax points out that it's reasonable to set limits on the lengths one is willing to go to in order to keep a pet alive, but she chides the letter writer for not respecting his girlfriend's differing priorities. Read the rest of her answer.
Why Does My Husband Keep Texting With A Coworker Who Talks About His 'Bits And Pieces'?
My husband, "Ralph," and I have been married for 30 years. He recently started receiving sexually oriented texts from a male co-worker I'll call Mike. What Ralph once read aloud to me saying, "He's such a goof. Listen to this!" has now become covert reading for him.
Ralph and I have no secrets. Our phones are accessible to each other, so sometimes if his phone is lying around, I'll see things such as "Sitting on the deck with just a towel on the bits and pieces. Nice breeze!" with heart eye emojis. They are later deleted.
I have asked Ralph point-blank if he has feelings for Mike, which he denies. But he won't ask him to stop, either. Ralph knows this worries me and has me questioning our relationship. I'm tempted to contact Mike myself, but I'm not sure if that's the best way to proceed. Thoughts?
Abigail Van Buren, aka Dear Abby, deems Mike's behavior "unusual," which seems fair. "While I don't think you should contact him, this is something you should revisit with your husband because you find it threatening," she advises. Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
How Can I Tell My Boss I Don't Want To Buy The Stuff She's Selling For A Multilevel Marketing Company?
My supervisor is involved in a side hustle for a multilevel marketing program. I have bought things from this person in the past, partly because of our work connection. I'm not in love with the product, and I find it kind of expensive, but I keep getting asked to buy things. This is my first job after graduate school, and I do not make as much as the rest of my office, plus I am trying to pay off my student loans. What are some of the rules about such marketing programs in the workplace?
Karla L. Miller, the Washington Post Magazine's workplace advice columnist, points out that trying to sell stuff to your colleagues would be illegal for a public-sector employee, and could very well be a policy violation in private offices. She suggests that the letter writer "find a way to firmly, cheerfully bunt your manager's pitches: 'Oh, thanks, but I'm good with what I've already bought.'" Read the rest of her answer.
[The Washington Post Magazine]
Can I Confront My Friend For Not Washing His Hands Before Touching My Beautiful New Chess Set?
A close friend came to my apartment for a game of chess. I got a beautiful new board and was excited to inaugurate it. Midway through the game, he excused himself to the bathroom. I heard the toilet flush, but nothing from the faucet. He hadn't washed his hands. (I'd noted this before.) And now he was putting his grimy paws all over my board! After he left, I polished his pieces with Clorox wipes. We play regularly, but I'd rather he not touch anything anymore. May I confront him?
Philip Galanes decrees that a tactful way of handling this situation is to mandate a hand-washing rule for both players before each game. "He may think you're weird, but as long as you both do it, you save him the indignity of knowing that you've been monitoring his bathroom habits," Galanes points out. Read the rest of his answer.
