Should I Start Smoking To Satisfy My Husband's Fetish, And Other Great Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should I Follow My Boss's Advice To Wear More Revealing Clothing At Work?
My boss recently pulled me aside and asked me to show some more skin on the job, seeing as it might get me more tips and happier customers. I am a pretty conservative dresser, and I have this waitressing job to get me through school. It is true that I am the most conservative dresser at the restaurant, but I didn't think anything of it. The other women wear skirts rather than pants and fitted tops rather than loose polo shirts. I hadn't paid much attention to how they dressed before my boss said this. I was just happy that we didn't have to wear a uniform. Should I take her advice? I feel uneasy that my boss told me to do this, but I think I may see better tips.
"You should alter your attire only to the extent that you feel comfortable," writes Harriette Cole, who also calls the boss's advice "dangerously close to inappropriate." Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
How Should I Respond To My Husband When He Badgers Me To Start Smoking To Satisfy His Cigarette Fetish?
I recently married the most amazing man in the whole world, "Jeremy." We connect, communicate, understand and love everything about each other. My only issue is, Jeremy has an obsession/fetish with women smoking cigarettes.
He fantasizes about me smoking all day, every day. I don't smoke. I did for nine years, but quit five years ago (before I met him). I hated smoking — the smell, the waste of money, the example I was setting for my kids, the harm to my health and feeling out of breath.
Smoking has killed some of my relatives, and Jeremy knows it. But every day he keeps begging me to start up again. He tells me he'd do anything in the world to turn me on, and doesn't understand why I refuse to please him by smoking. He asks me to hold a cigarette, take pictures of myself smoking it and send them to him. He wants to smell it on my breath. He's literally obsessed.
It really bothers me. I've bawled my eyes out in front of him telling him how much I don't want to do it…
I feel this is going to ruin our marriage. What should I do? Give in and start up with this horrible habit again to satisfy my husband?
In a typically straightforward response, Abigail van Buren of Dear Abby writes, "Do not give in. Do not risk cancer or lung disease to please him." Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
How Do I Forgive My Sister And Mother For Violating HIPAA To Snoop Into My Husband's Health?
I have three sisters with whom I had a good relationship until about five years ago.
At that time, my mother revealed that she asked my sister, a medical practice administrator, to look up my husband's medical records to find out if he really had a diagnosis of a specific chronic neurological disease, as I had told them.
I'm stunned that my sister would be willing to violate HIPPA regulations and that my mother would then share it in what felt like a mean and provocative way.
I sent both of them an angry email demanding an explanation for what I see as a violation of the law and my trust.
I copied my other siblings on the email because I knew they would all discuss it, anyway.
I never heard another peep from any of them… I miss them terribly and want to mend the relationship, but I feel very angry about this.
Amy Dickinson thinks it was a "mistake" for the letter writer to cc all the siblings on his or her email, and advises the letter writer to travel to see his or her family members in an attempt to make amends. Read the rest of her answer.
Is It OK If I Ask My Coworkers To Stop Microwaving Food During My Pregnancy?
I am nine weeks pregnant, and morning sickness is at an all-time high. The smell of anything, especially strong-smelling foods, really sets me off. Many of my co-workers cook food in a nearby microwave and eat lunch at their desk, and the smell of their food makes it impossible for me to work comfortably. These co-workers do not know I am pregnant, but I wouldn't mind if they did. I don't like attention, so making some kind of office-wide announcement just hasn't felt right to me. Is it acceptable to send out an email letting them know about the pregnancy and asking them to forgo smelly foods for the next few weeks? If not, how can I handle this?
Karla Miller, the Washington Post's @Work column, advises the letter writer to seek alternative solutions, such as finding another place to sit during lunchtime. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Roommate To Stop Waking Me Up With Her Nose-Blowing?
My housemate has a habit that is seriously cutting into my sleep. Whenever she uses the bathroom, she blows her nose — and it's obscenely loud… Our bathroom acts like an echo chamber that amplifies all noise directly into my bedroom. So when she does this during the night or early in the morning (which she does daily), the noise wakes me up… I've asked her multiple times to stop blowing her nose in the bathroom when I'm likely to be sleeping, pointing out that she can do it to her heart's content in any other carpeted location of our flat. Each time I do, she apologizes profusely (and I think genuinely) and says that she "forgets"…
We get along really well in every other way and are quite close friends! What can I do? Reminder signs in the bathroom (that would make us look insane to visitors)? Is it totally nuts to ask her to move out (I own the flat, so quietly moving out myself isn't an option) because of how she blows her nose? I'm sure I would also lose her friendship, which would be sad.
Mallory Ortberg endorses the reminder-sign option, pointing out that the letter writer can always hide it when guests come over. Read the rest of her answer.
[Slate]
