Should I Marry A Man Who Only Showers Twice A Month, And Other Great Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Should I Take An Enormous Pay Cut In My Caretaker Job Until The Woman I'm Caring For Dies?
I have been working part-time for a family, taking care of their elderly mother, who is very sweet. The person in charge of my employment — the lady's daughter, who lives far away — has sent me an email saying that the family is under financial strain and needs to reduce the hours that I work.
Here is where manners come in: Was it appropriate that my employer offered me the "chance" to continue working my normal schedule but to be paid as if I were working one-third the hours, with the difference to be made up "when the house sells"?
How should one respond to such an email? (I am afraid that I may have been rude by answering that I was not able to lend money to the family. She seemed shocked at this.)
I asked her when her mother would be moving out of the house, and her daughter answered that the house would be sold when the mother dies! Her daughter must be either very pessimistic or very optimistic, I'm not sure which.
Miss Manners, the semi-fictional character voiced by Judith Martin and two of her children, urges the letter writer to "re-establish the professional nature of the relationship" by setting firm boundaries about her rates. Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
How Can I Get My Fiancé To Shower More Often Than Twice A Month?
I am very frustrated because my soon-to-be husband doesn't shower often enough. He showers about twice a month — and that's it. I have tried convincing him to get in the shower with me as foreplay, but he refuses. When I ask him why he won't shower, he says he showers "enough." He doesn't seem depressed or moody. He just smells really bad — especially "down there."
All of this is recent. Because he washes so infrequently, I have become less willing to have sexual contact with him. His hygiene problems are major. When we first got together, he showered daily or at least every other day. He doesn't understand how disgusted I am. His behavior is extremely gross and unhealthy. Help!
Dear Abby disagrees with the letter writer on one point: "He understands how disgusted you are; he just doesn't care," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
Is It Misleading To Omit Pictures That Show My Face Birthmark From My Tinder Profile?
The past few months I've been very active on Tinder without much success. I've hooked up with one person that I ended up falling for (not mutual).
Recently after much frustration I removed the worst of my pictures so that I only have a few left. The kicker is that I have a red birthmark on the left side of my face that (by coincidence) isn't visible in any of these pictures.
I'm afraid I'm not properly showing how I look and that I might cause a bad experience for me and these girls when I meet them? I don't know whether or not I'm uglier than the (very nicely shot) photos show me or if I'm just overthinking.
If you Google "naveus flammeus" you will see the kind, but mine is very light in color.
The denizens of the /r Relationships subreddit mostly agree that it's at least somewhat deceptive to omit these pictures from the letter writer's profile, and they suggest including at least one picture that shows the birthmark. "[U]ltimately you're IMPROVING your chances of meeting someone who will actually want a relationship with you by FILTERING OUT the people who aren't interested in 'the real you,'" writes one of them. Read the rest of their answers.
[Reddit]
Does Posting Pictures Of My Baby Granddaughter On Facebook Really Violate Her 'Privacy'?
At first my son and daughter-in-law permitted me to post baby pictures on Facebook, then they asked me not to. My daughter-in-law feels that posting pictures "violated the baby's privacy." How much privacy is a 2-year-old entitled to? I'm not talking about naked pictures or embarrassing videos of a teenager stoned after dental surgery.
I could understand it if they felt posting was unsafe. They said something about "waiting until she is old enough to decide." This makes no sense to me. Will a 5-year-old have better judgment? Will a 10-year-old be angry because of what we allowed her to do at 5?
Let me be clear — I will abide by their wishes. But I enjoyed posting! It makes me sad not to be able to. Other methods of sharing sound simple but are not simple to my friends and family, so this poses a hardship, even though it sounds trivial.
"Kids care very much about what's out there," replies Carolyn Hax, who also shares several links explaining why it's not a great idea to post pictures of kids online. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Forgive My Best Friend For Buying My Dream Stove?
I've always loved cooking and design, so when I told my best friend about my dream stove, she must have known I really had a special place in my heart for it. Imagine my surprise when I found out SHE had bought my dream stove before I could save up for it! Needless to say, I felt incredibly betrayed. I've basically been giving her the silent treatment for the better part of a year. To make matters worse, she acts like she has no idea why I'm so mad at her! My anger and hurt have gotten so bad that our friends called a meeting for us to talk it out, but I don't want to hear anything from her unless it's an apology. What should I do?
Dear Prudence, née Mallory Ortberg, begins her response with, "I don't often find myself wishing that a letter were fake." (I also kind of hope it's fake, but at the same time I'm glad Ortberg published it.) Read the rest of her answer.
[Slate]
