tktktk, And Other Great Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
How Can I Get My Roommate To Stop Kissing His Girlfriend's Feet Whenever She Comes Over?
I'm a straight man who recently moved in with a rich, straight friend. He sent me an e-mail before I moved in letting me know he was in a femdom relationship. He was only telling me this, he said, because I might notice "small, subtle rituals meant to reinforce [their] D/s dynamic." If it bothered me, I shouldn't move in. Finding an affordable place in Central London is hard, so I told him I didn't mind. But I do. Their many "rituals" run the gamut from the subtle to the not-so-subtle: He can't sit on the furniture without her permission, which she grants with a little nod (subtle); when he buzzes her in, he has to wait by the door on his hands and knees and kiss her feet when she enters and keep at it until she tells him to stop (NOT SUBTLE!). She's normal with me — she doesn't attempt to order me around — but these "rituals" make me uncomfortable and I worry they're getting off from my witnessing them.
Dan Savage, America's foremost sex advice columnist, advises the letter writer to move out. "His apartment, his rules — or her rules, actually," Savage writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Can My Boyfriend Sue Me To Get Back The Money He Spent On Me During Our Relationship?
My boyfriend and I have been together two years. In the beginning, he asked me to give up my job, come work part-time for his company, move in with him, take care of him, and run the house. Well! We recently had a fight, and he said he was going to "make my life a waking nightmare." He stated he was going to "sue me and garnishee my future wages for all the money he wasted supporting me," which he estimates to be $25,000.
He promised me that he'd get back every dime he spent on me and all his exes!
Frankly, it scared me. I did not sign a contract with him of any kind, but he did pay some of my bills. He's a very smart man who will be a successful attorney someday (he's going to night school). I don't have any money saved. My family is not wealthy, and I certainly don't have the money to pay him back immediately or hire a lawyer to defend me in court. Now I'm out of a job! What do I do?
E. Jean, Elle's advice columnist, consults a lawyer and informs the letter writer that her boyfriend's threat is legally unenforceable. Read the rest of her answer.
[Elle]
Is It Acceptable To List Being A Maid Of Honor On Your Résumé?
I think my friend is about to seriously embarrass herself in her job search. She is in two weddings this year and another next year and has been a maid of honor no less than five times…
She wants to list Maid of Honor on her résumé. She's looking for admin and executive-assistant-type jobs and thinks the MOH-ing is a relevant qualification. I told her "no""and tried to explain how unprofessional that would look. But she didn't seem convinced because she kept going on about how maybe employers should be more open-minded (again, nooooo).
She specifically cited scheduling, vendor/venue contact, and other event coordination she handles, like planning the bridal shower and dress fittings. She also acts as a backup contact on the wedding day so the brides have less to worry about. In fairness, scaled up, it does kinda sound like an assistant gig, but I think it's more that she's able to bring that experience to the bridal party rather than the other way around…
This does not belong on your résumé, right?
Alison Green, who writes the "Ask A Boss" column for The Cut, agrees with the letter writer that being in another person's wedding pary "doesn't hit the bar for 'things that are résumé-worthy.'" Read the rest of her answer.
[The Cut]
Does 'Ladies First' Mean That Women Get To Cut Men In Line At The Grocery Store?
My mother frequently asks men to defer to her in situations where I feel that her requests are ridiculous. For instance, at the grocery store, if the person in front of her in line is a man, she will always say: "Excuse me, will you please be a gentleman and let me go ahead of you? Ladies first." If the man says no, she will usually glare at him but not say anything else.
I think putting men on the spot simply because of their gender is rude and have told her so, but she brushes me off.
Do you think I should say anything more to her? Refuse to go places with her if she's going to do that? Or just ignore it?
Carolyn Hax suggests moving to a different line the next time the letter writer's mother tries cutting ahead of a man. Read the rest of her answer.
How Do I Atone For Calling My Friend A Slut When My Dad Molested Her?
When I was 14, a friend was sleeping over. I heard voices and walked into the kitchen to find my dad with his hand up her pajama top. I was horrified and didn't know what to do, and I took his side, screaming at her that she was a slut who was flirting with my dad. With my dad's encouragement, I badmouthed her at school and cut her out of my life.
I also did everything I could to forget what I'd seen and succeeded until now. I have a 13-year-old daughter now, and we were visiting my parents. My dad wasn't doing anything inappropriate, but I was hit with a wave of revulsion when I saw him hug her and it all came back to me. We left at once, but now I don't know what to do.
I want to confront my dad, but I also never want to see him again. I want to find my ex-friend and beg forgiveness, but I can't bear the thought of facing her. I don't know how to tell my daughter and my mother that I never want her to see my dad again, and I feel so ashamed for taking his side that I don't even know how to tell my husband. I've hardly been able to stop crying since. Please give me some advice about where to start.
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, urges the letter writer to seek counseling and to "put as much distance between yourself and your father as you need." Read the rest of her answer.
[Slate]
