All Bent Out Of Shape Over The iPhone 6
On Tuesday morning, MacRumors reported that a "small but growing" number of iPhone 6 Plus users managed to bend their phones just by sitting down with them in their pockets. One source — a MacRumors forum user Hanzoh — explained that 18 hours in his front pocket (mostly sitting, some dancing) had caused his phone to slightly bend.
Spurred on by the prospect of a major design flaw, Unbox Therapy sought to put these early reports to the test. With quite a bit of force, host Lou Hilsenteger was able to produce a bend with his bare hands.
Unsurprisingly, the video exploded, amassing nearly 7.5 million views in just under 24 hours. After a single man earnestly tried to break his phone for the Internet and another kept his phone in his pocket for the better part of Earth's rotation around its axis — the fate of 10 million brand new iPhones now hangs in the balance.
Or does it? Just hours after news of the bend broke (but not before "Bendgate" and "Bendghazi" were coined as Official Controversy Names) Cult Of Mac's Buster Hein reminded readers that smartphones have been bending for quite some time:
Last year ran we an article titled "iPhone 5s Bending in People's Pockets." Any phone made of metal is still subject to the laws of physics, but to reiterate that this isn't exactly a problem exclusive to the iPhone 6, here's a look at other Android and Apple phones that have bending problems.
— Get Bent: The Shocking History Of Bent Smartphones (Cult Of Mac)
Hein's piece goes on to point out that both the past three iPhones have all bent, as well as Samsung's Galaxy S4, and handful of other Android phones.
Then, the following morning, Wired's Christina Bonnington arrived at a startling conclusion: mistreating your $650 handheld computer will indeed break it.
You could say it's a pocket-sized controversy, and you'd (mostly) be right. Considering the device is just over a quarter-inch thick and made largely of aluminum, a flexible metal, the fact this jumbo iPhone will bend when great pressure is placed on it for extended periods is a bit of a well, duh.
— Duh: Of Course the iPhone 6 Plus Can Bend in Your Pocket (Wired)
Very important observations! Perhaps it's also necessary to point out that the screen is made from glass and dropping it — or submitting it to instances of blunt force trauma — will shatter it. Also, the iPhone 6 Plus is powered by electricity, and introducing it to liquid will cause a short and kill the electronics. Another important weakness of the iPhone 6 Plus: it's widely considered to be a luxury item — in fact, a significant amount of people are still lined up outside New York's SoHo Apple store just to buy one — and thus wantonly brandishing it about may lead to getting it stolen. What's more, it also has the ability to send and receive text messages and voice calls — which will ultimately turn it into the device that delivers the news that she is leaving you, or that your father is dead, or no, I'm sorry sir, buffalo chicken isn't a topping, it's a specialty pizza.
Not to let this story fall by the wayside, The Verge's Chris Zeigler decided to see what else out there might bend. His findings are, in a word, devastating:
Even famed illusionist and spoon-bender Uri Geller weighed in on the controversy at MarketWatch:
There are two possible explanations […] Either the phone is so seriously thin and flimsy that it is bendable with mere physical force, which I cannot believe given the extensive tests Apple would have done. Or — and this is far more plausible — somehow the energy and excitement of the 10 million people who purchased iPhones has awakened their mind powers and caused the phones to bend.
— Here's The Real Reason iPhones Are Bending (MarketWatch)
What a mind-bending conclusion! And maybe the illusionist is onto something.
Perhaps all this anxiety over bent phones is indicative of something larger. Every year, Apple announces a new iPhone in the fall, and every year it's met with a growing amount of astonishment and fanfare. In the months leading up to the announcement there is a cottage industry dedicated to disseminating rumors and blurry watermarked images.
Our lives are full of grim reminders of our own mortality and the fallibility of man. We, as a society, require the infallible. At a time they were fictional characters. At another they were athletes and celebrities. And since 2007 it's been a phone. A product of man that would, annually, remind us that the human race was capable of producing something perfect.
Now, we realize that a device cannot be perfect. Aluminum bends. If you apply stress to something hard enough, it will break. There are no exceptions.
For more about nihilism, click here.