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See the original image at theonion.com —

I Got What America Needs Right Here

theonion.com — Jimmy Carter rips the current campaign a new one

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  • jayistheman, on 01/10/2008, -5/+99I'd paste a favorite quote or two, but A) that's lame and B) it's all hilarious.

    *****.
    • sockpuppets, on 01/10/2008, -0/+49It appears Jimmy Carter's been writing comments on youtube the past couple years.
    • rpgmaker, on 01/10/2008, -17/+2Is that really Jimmy Carter? I mean, it was funny and all but I don't think an ex-president gonna write something like that...
      • TheGuruStud, on 01/10/2008, -0/+22You're new around here and the internet, aren't you?
        • reaganluver, on 01/10/2008, -1/+3You think we should see if he wants to buy that bridge?
      • buckrogers1965, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3Yes. It's real. Really.
      • Timetheos, on 01/11/2008, -0/+1Dude, I can sell you viagra for only 2 cents a pill. Striaight from the manufacturer! Just give me you credit card information, social security number, driver's license information...
    • Fordi, on 01/10/2008, -0/+15Oh, the Onion's a great and factual news source. Just read a few of their other articles; they report on what no one else will!
      • MellerTime, on 01/10/2008, -2/+7Just like Fox News!
        • Arramol, on 01/10/2008, -0/+12Q: What's the difference between the Onion and Fox News?
          A: One makes me laugh, the other makes me want to cry.
        • ThndrShk2k, on 01/10/2008, -0/+7I laugh at Fox News all the time, at least the stories on The Onion seem plausable.
        • buckrogers1965, on 01/10/2008, -0/+5Except the onion is closer to the truth.
          • GeneralFault, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3Although the onion is made up like fox, unlike fox it is usually based in some part on reality.
    • ThndrShk2k, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3dugg up for *****.
  • IronCladBen, on 01/10/2008, -3/+105best onion article I've read in a long time. HILARIOUS
    • tHePeOPle, on 01/10/2008, -0/+9The Onion reminds me of The Daily Show from time to time. This is one of those times.
    • chicken101, on 01/10/2008, -0/+11I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday so i'm on strong painkillers...so i seriously thought this was real for like 20 seconds. lol
    • maelstromwar, on 01/10/2008, -0/+6Jimmy Carter is the new Chuck Norris.
  • IHaveIssues, on 01/10/2008, -5/+66Excellent!
    I especially liked the inclusion of his big hairy ballsack.
  • BadseedJR, on 01/10/2008, -2/+139If that was a campaign speech, he'd have my vote.
    • nosecohn, on 01/10/2008, -2/+40Just take out the swearing and it's Mike Gravel.
      • BadseedJR, on 01/10/2008, -0/+17But that's my favorite part!
      • Spoomeister, on 01/10/2008, -0/+14Just take out the swearing and it's only about 17 words long.
      • jrtf83, on 01/10/2008, -1/+2God i love Mike Gravel, I want to have his babies. Its a shame he gets ZERO attention, because the gang of mainstream ***** crowds him out...
  • deadroads, on 01/10/2008, -3/+32This is the ultimate stump speech.I can hear him saying all of that. Georgia accent and everything!!
  • RayDude, on 01/10/2008, -59/+16Its funny for a few paragraphs but then the sheer verbal violence of it overpowers the humor so I stopped reading.
    • soupyc, on 01/10/2008, -31/+7I thought so too. There is such a thing as humor that doesn't require an F-bomb to be dropped every other word. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind an F-bomb, I use the word myself, but when every sentence has two or three, it's over the line.
    • nymphetamine, on 01/10/2008, -8/+26I'm gonna have to ***** disagree with you guys. *****, *****, *****, *****.

      *****.
    • healthyapples, on 01/10/2008, -15/+4I wish I had stopped myself from reading your comment because its sheer display of pussy ass americanness is raping my ears. Silver douchebag.
    • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -1/+8as jimmy would say, "with my ***** dick in your mouth, scumbag"
    • jackieshmackie, on 01/10/2008, -5/+1yeah i think 35 in one article's just a lil excessive
    • scott2007, on 01/10/2008, -6/+2This appeals to the 13-20 age group; which is most of Digg, at least mentally.
    • SpacePoet, on 01/10/2008, -3/+1Does your Mommy know you are using the internet?? There's a lot of baaaaaaad things on here, you should probably stay away if simple swear words upset you.
  • spartanking, on 01/10/2008, -6/+32tears of laughter rolling down face.
    • ZenMojo, on 01/10/2008, -1/+22That's not laughter. That's what's in Jimmy Carter's goddamn ballsack.
      • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -0/+11Winner of the thread here. I was calmly wiping the wet off my face as I read that and relapsed into snot dribbling.
  • simonbaier, on 01/10/2008, -35/+8I had no idea Jimmy Carter had such a potty mouth
  • DJBALL, on 01/10/2008, -2/+28There's more truth in that then coming out of all the puppets "running" cakeholes combined.
    • norman619, on 01/10/2008, -18/+4Really? Sounds like someone needs to join us back in reality and take a good look at the Carter presidency.
      • Dubstep, on 01/10/2008, -0/+8He was the best thing to happen to the U.S. since Bill Clinton. Yeah, I said it.
        • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -3/+6Since Bill Clinton? Are you living life backwards or something?
        • ThndrShk2k, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3If he was living life backwards, he can see into his future. I for one dread the end, or beginning, of his life when it comes. At least he knows what is coming, and that the country can't get any worse for him, only better.
      • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -0/+7Aww - I bet you think ollie north is a here don't you? That's just too cute.
      • LeeSoong, on 01/10/2008, -0/+7Well, it was working alright up
        until the people of Iran rejected the CIA backed Shah
        - and Americans were taken captive.
        The hostages used to shame Carter and boost Ronny Reagan -
        followed by the covert operations of the Iran/Contra arms dealings,
        but who's counting?
      • thugok, on 01/10/2008, -0/+2While Carter's presidency may have been lackluster, I have more respect for him as a human being than any other president or presidential candidate in the last 30+ years.
  • punkdemons, on 01/10/2008, -4/+86Dug for "I'd be honored to do it—with my ***** dick in your mouth"
  • sharpie45, on 01/10/2008, -2/+12bravo, love the onion. Agree with punkdemons, the 2nd to last line is perfection.
  • aalllrightythen, on 01/10/2008, -2/+17That ***** is great! And that really is the way a lot of people feel. Just not in those words.
    • willcode4beer, on 01/10/2008, -0/+6I have to disagree, I think people DO feel it in exactly THOSE words
      • aalllrightythen, on 01/15/2008, -0/+0ha! yeah you probably are right. I did.
  • Ugoff, on 01/10/2008, -4/+38Carter 08' :p
    • gasin, on 01/10/2008, -4/+4nah dude! wiggum 08...
    • mchinsky, on 01/10/2008, -0/+1You already have Carter 08, it's called Obama. And 2008 to 2012 would look just like 1976 to 1980. What a great time for our country, huh??
  • atmenterprises, on 01/10/2008, -73/+11Worst. President. In. History.
    • orangefly, on 01/10/2008, -8/+66have you been frozen the last 7 years....???....
      • philipl411, on 01/10/2008, -30/+7You must have not been around when this ***** hole was in the white house?
        • atmenterprises, on 01/10/2008, -3/+1Yes and I also remember the inflation and the Iran hostage crisis.
      • borninda818, on 01/10/2008, -27/+7Bush is very bad for several reasons...but no one screwed up our economy as much as Jimmy. He ***** the people over with his useless reforms and blamed us for it.
        • littlewing82, on 01/10/2008, -4/+23Really?!? because I was under the impression that our economy was at its lowest right now. We are headed for a huge recession, if not a ***** depression because we are more in debt as a nation than we have ever been. Trillions of dollars for an awful war that we were duped into......
        • atmenterprises, on 01/10/2008, -3/+1Exactly. The last recession started in November 2000 during Clinton's administration but I guess that's another inconvenient truth for some democrats. Revisionist historians are earning their money!
      • sockpuppets, on 01/10/2008, -6/+13Right wing troll alert.
        http://www.digg.com/users/atmenterprises/history/c ...
        • atmenterprises, on 01/10/2008, -6/+1Not trolling. Just giving my opinion. I forgot, however, that the libs preach tolerance to only those that agree with their agenda.
    • TerraIncognito, on 01/10/2008, -4/+28""Conservative" Bush Spends More than "Liberal" Presidents Clinton, Carter"

      http://www.cato.org/pub_display.php?pub_id=3184
    • jellygraph, on 01/10/2008, -2/+10How scientific... "atmenterprises... worst human in the history of life"
      • atmenterprises, on 01/10/2008, -4/+1How original. A personal attack against someone that doesn't agree with you.
    • sirloin, on 01/10/2008, -2/+7The wing nuts go ape ***** over carter even more than the dems like him cause he was once penned
      "the best ex president in history"
      as he wasnt bad..e veryone also knows the hostage thing with reagan was BS and they dont like reagan looking bad.. plus all that work with habitat for humanity.. I mean where does he get off building homes for th ehomeless and looking like he really cares and such..

      they are also upset he lost our puppets in iran and had he not, GWB wouldnt have to take over the oil fields again.
    • buckrogers1965, on 01/10/2008, -2/+6Bush. You were talking about Bush right?
    • SpacePoet, on 01/10/2008, -1/+5Not. Even. Close.
  • equivokal, on 01/10/2008, -36/+5*yawn*
  • tones1, on 01/10/2008, -15/+5I thought it was going to show a pair of balls.
    • orangefly, on 01/10/2008, -1/+1good reason....
    • shampoovta, on 01/10/2008, -4/+3I am voting for Hillery because I am a women, well as of last week.
      • jellygraph, on 01/10/2008, -1/+3um, dont ask dont tell?
      • Fafnir43, on 01/10/2008, -1/+3You took a bump to the head and now you have a split personality? Ouch, that sucks...
  • MCCULLAH, on 01/10/2008, -20/+3great article i louik it
    • Whatwedo, on 01/10/2008, -0/+7I refuse to believe you spelled "like" that way on accident.
      • DeadRooster, on 01/10/2008, -0/+5Mick Jagger: "I know, it's only rock and roll, but I louik it."
    • lalilulelo, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3Well, the U and the O are both next to the I meaning he had to have hit three keys at once. Based on this evidence he's an ent or just fat as hell.
      • MCCULLAH, on 01/10/2008, -0/+12my middle finger is the size of three foiungers
  • theISABELfish, on 01/10/2008, -28/+10Am I the only one who expected a Ron Paul article and who was relieved when it wasn't?
  • mikehill33, on 01/10/2008, -60/+4Jimmy, No one cares, you one term *****!
  • DeadRooster, on 01/10/2008, -2/+65Jimmy Carter seems a little more riled-up than usual in this article.
  • buddypriefert, on 01/10/2008, -31/+13Amazing what you kids think about the country (most) of you live in and all of the sacrafices made to put your little snot noses in front of a computer, in air conditioned cars, and not having to work but a few hours a day. America is made up of you, the very country you despise, yet live in. It's not the soil, or the buildings but the people. That is "you", and don't give me the whining how bad everyone else is and somehow your crap doesn't stink. There's some that take the easy road and whine and put down others in order for them to appear tall.
    • Jenadae, on 01/10/2008, -9/+28No i think you have this all backwards. We're tired of YOU and you ancient backwards thinking conservative ways of running things. You "Adults" are so behind on times and have run this country into the ***** ground with your ignorance. This generation will hopefully be the saving grace of this country as all you've done for the last decade and beyond was sit on your hands and take it up your ass.
      • nastronomical, on 01/10/2008, -22/+7Whiny Liberal Much? Why dont you give up all the things us ADULTS provide your ignorant ass? I bet you never would!!
        • BadseedJR, on 01/10/2008, -6/+21Last I checked, we're funding your retirement and fighting your wars there, old man. And don't call me a whiny liberal too, I'm not one.
        • Jenadae, on 01/10/2008, -1/+15Whiny? LOL! Go retire and live of off our money for a while why don't you. And what do you "ADULTS" provide for us that we aren't providing for you? Do you all pay some special tax that I'm unaware of?
        • freedomkeeper, on 01/10/2008, -16/+2Yes, actually, we do. You see kid, people that actually work, and make good money, pay ALL of the taxes. Your sad excuse of a job at Starbucks doesn't pay for your precious social programs, WE do. And if you think this country has gone to *****, take a trip to russia or china or south africa and see how bad things can get. Spoiled little *****...
          • Jenadae, on 01/10/2008, -3/+3Wow, I didn't know they started handed 33 year-olds rockers to fall off already... next you're gonna tell me you walked up hill both ways...
          • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -1/+3you presumptuous little *****, liberals are funding this country, all the major industrial centers are blue, shut your ***** ass, and as Jimmy would say, "with my ***** dick in your mouth scumbag"
          • BadseedJR, on 01/10/2008, -0/+2Our jobs at starbucks eh? Way to presume you are more successful than everyone here. I guarantee, you are not.
        • Tycho7, on 01/10/2008, -0/+5You call us spoiled, and yet you whine and bitch about how you have to give money to the government. Well guess what, buddy. Those social programs are for the poor unfortunates who are screwed out of a job because of laws that you support. Thats the price you've got to pay when you have something that protects you.
      • freedomkeeper, on 01/10/2008, -11/+2If that's not rightous narcissism, I don't know what is. The kid's probably typing away in his mother's basement.
      • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -0/+12***** yeah - I may be 39, but I agree with the kids here. Old people are a ***** drain on america. I bet the assholes you old ***** keep electing will eventually have the boot so far up all our asses that they will have a "program" for culling the sheeple herd. As this empire starts to buckle, it will end up being the kids of today that will inherit the full on ***** sandwich you've left them.
        Man that was cathartic! I miss being 17... ...naa, I don't
        • Timetheos, on 01/11/2008, -0/+1I agree with you. I had to listen to my old man whine about unions and liberals when it was that union and the city liberals that gave him such a ***** good pension. As the unions got weaker, the guys after him got less, but if you asked him, he deserved every penny.

          At least my grandmother knows that liberals pay the bills.
      • Dubstep, on 01/10/2008, -5/+2And yet, you all weep to reap what you've sewn. Funnily enough, those 'few hours' a day that we're working are made progressively more difficult with the advent of those computer screens we so 'happily' sit in front of. Sorry If I seem a bit sardonic but your quasi-reality is not but a figment of your frail imagination. Wrought only with past times and current trends you're forgetting one thing: "The ***** hole is a ***** hole is a ***** hole."

        Yeah, I just ***** quoted myself.

        Oddly though, I agree with an aspect of your statement; bitch, bitch, bitch. But, where's the stand up? The bravado, the downright gallant ***** deeds that could bring back a fairly stable political climate as well as generally safe world.
    • puncikam, on 01/10/2008, -8/+5nicely written...I can't believe how many people complain out the ass even about the smallest crap.
    • mhnatt, on 01/10/2008, -9/+3Good comment. And you are right - kids with "big words" like douchebag and mf, and so intelligent who are the "leaders" of tomorrow with great ideas and can do attitudes. Imagine if we had to deal with toting them along to Omaha Beach.
      • Jenadae, on 01/10/2008, -3/+6Nice! You've successfully slandered all our men and women currently in our armed forces for fighting in a war brought on by the worst president know to ever lead our country.
        • buddypriefert, on 01/10/2008, -3/+0Help me out here. I'm trying to connect the dots or what my comment had to do with our current armed forces? Maybe I am getting too old here.
          • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -0/+6The majority of taxes are paid by liberals; liberals are better paid than conservatives, all the major cities are blue. I have no idea how old you are but at 35 I've been working 60+ hours per week for 14 years building this information economy that is funding everything out there and keeping the international investment in this country which keeps it afloat, so shut the ***** up, I don't need to hear about how great you old conservative stuck-up assholes are. When I'm old like you my more unfortunate peers who haven't been able to save enough to retire will have to continue work because of the damage you "conservatives" have done to this country and its economy, because god knows there will be no social security, which I'm sure you scorn as you collect it.
      • hplasm, on 01/10/2008, -2/+4You missed out 'whippersnappers!!'
      • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -0/+4My dad was a Roosevelt new deal liberal and he ***** toted assholes like you through the Pacific fighting the Japanese *****. Being old and being drafted doesn't mean you are an ***** conservative idiot.
    • subterfuge, on 01/10/2008, -6/+16i guess you havent noticed that digg users are part of a minorty. an enlightened minority, but a minority. by "sacrifices" do you mean dying at war? because i dont remember Iceland ever being in a war, and their Human Development Index is the highest in the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_ ... america blows. as soon as i get a college degree, i'm leaving this obese, supersitious, wasteful country
      • buddypriefert, on 01/10/2008, -8/+6Wasteful, eh....as in wasting contributions I'm sure. "Blows" as in the ability to blow higher education to practically anyone who asks for it. I'm sure Iceland is waiting to embrace you, so why the wait? You are indeed better than Americans so what's keeping you here? I'm sure Icelands got some great contributions to humanity. I'm trying to think just what...but wiki came up with nothing. Enjoy your arrogance while it lasts. It's bliss I hear.
        • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -0/+9"Enjoy your arrogance while it lasts. It's bliss I hear"
          Pot...kettle...black
        • BedPost, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3I'd rather contribute nothing than contribute war, poverty, and empire. American people (Einstein, Edison, etc.) may have made fantastic contributions; but when was the last time the American government did something we can be proud of?
          • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -0/+2the recent Americans who have made powerful contributions have all been liberals or libertarians, not ass-***** old conservatives that support Bush; the new economy that keeps ***** going is run by the likes of Bill Gates, Larry Page and Sergey Brin.
        • tim5779, on 01/10/2008, -1/+0Wasn't Einstein German? He was only a US citizen for 15 years of his 76-year life.
      • keysersoze9, on 01/10/2008, -8/+5Do us all a favor and leave now. You're clearly to good for this country.
      • freedomkeeper, on 01/10/2008, -8/+2...and we will all bid you adeau ass the door hits your ass on the way out.
    • chicken101, on 01/10/2008, -0/+4Hey ***** you I worked 50+ hours a week over the summer and i still can't afford a car.
  • Makaveli604, on 01/10/2008, -1/+59This Onion article had way to much truth in it.. I wish "non-fake" news sources would have this much truth in them.
    • Amazetbm, on 01/10/2008, -1/+21Yeah. It did have too much truth in it. Just after Bush got elected they had an article titled "Bush: This national nightmare of peace and prosperity if finally over" I'll be damned if 90% of that "fake" article didn't come to pass.
      • christor, on 01/10/2008, -0/+10http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784
        Best article ever. E.g.:
        During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

        "You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

        On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.
        • nosecohn, on 01/11/2008, -0/+1That's astounding. I had never seen that before. It would be absolutely hilarious, if it wasn't also so sad.
      • MortalynFlux, on 01/10/2008, -0/+4Creepy.
  • PhilThePhenom, on 01/10/2008, -4/+13Jimmy Carter is what's up.
  • tehbored, on 01/10/2008, -2/+18He may not have actually said it, but he's thinkin' it!
  • tiraspol, on 01/10/2008, -4/+19Wow, that was the best thing I read all day. God Bless Jimmy Carter! ( Wish it was real though =/ )
  • Papajohn56, on 01/10/2008, -34/+7cool, Carter wants to bring back 18% inflation
    • Goodanswer, on 01/10/2008, -7/+17yeah that would be better than our est. 20% right now, or did you not know the dollar is only worth 4 cents.
      • Papajohn56, on 01/10/2008, -4/+2we don't have 20% inflation, learn economics
      • tehxen3, on 01/10/2008, -2/+1lol at retard. Inflation is less than 4% right now ***** and dollar stabilized. Unemployment is around 4.5% vs. 11% during Carter.
        • Linua, on 01/10/2008, -2/+1How many people has this war employed anyway?
        • thugok, on 01/10/2008, -2/+1Could always just use the Republican philosophy and blame those bad times on the former president...
    • subterfuge, on 01/10/2008, -4/+10i have a news flash for you: no president has ever been in control of the economy, and no president ever will be
  • scoottie, on 01/10/2008, -4/+6lol @ jimmy carter
  • reaperhatch, on 01/10/2008, -1/+6FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU "***** ADVERTISING!"
  • dawgma, on 01/10/2008, -1/+56I got to "ballsack" before I realized I was reading The Onion. I don't know why it didn't seem all that unreasonable until then...
  • genepooldesign, on 01/10/2008, -2/+9That just...ROCKED! And I must point out that I've never even heard of the word "*****" and will use it proudly now!
  • DesignEx, on 01/10/2008, -3/+50God, I wish he really wrote that.
    • ruthvarna, on 01/15/2008, -0/+0i cant believe that dirt came out of his mouth if he didnt who wrote it
  • SteveIsTheDude, on 01/10/2008, -7/+3I hope he does not talk that way when he teachs Sunday school... "Get out your workbooks, Bitches!"
  • thedragon4453, on 01/10/2008, -1/+12It took a second to realize that was the onion. Too bad. Would have been ridiculously cool if it wasn't.
  • nastronomical, on 01/10/2008, -31/+4***REPOST FOR ACCURACY***

    Amazing what you kids think about the country (most) of you live in and all of the sacrafices made to put your little snot noses in front of a computer, in air conditioned cars, and not having to work but a few hours a day. America is made up of you, the very country you despise, yet live in. It's not the soil, or the buildings but the people. That is "you", and don't give me the whining how bad everyone else is and somehow your crap doesn't stink. There's some that take the easy road and whine and put down others in order for them to appear tall.
    • keysersoze9, on 01/10/2008, -9/+3I agree with every word but you're wasting your time with these kids. "we're the hope of the future", "you adults have screwed everything up". That's the exact same crap every young person has said since the beginning of recorded history. Except I can't think of any other generation with so little respect or gratitude for the comfort provided them by the sacrifices of their elders. These kids don't have any concept of real discomfort or sacrifice for the good of the future generations. They think only they can see the truth, only they know all the answers, and only they can right all the wrongs they perceive. With little or no experience of life's difficulties and never needing to prove themselves, they imagine themselves more evolved than you or I.
      • rvandy, on 01/10/2008, -1/+7Right, like the boomers have ever known sacrifice or discomfort.
        • keysersoze9, on 01/10/2008, -9/+1You're exactly what I'm writing about. Sacrifice? Have you ever been drafted into a war you didn't understand or want to fight? Have you ever been sent into a jungle where you were forced to kill men to keep them from killing you? Have you ever lived through such a hell only to return home and be ridiculed as a murderer and be shunned and spit on? Sacrifice, discomfort, what do you know you arrogant punk? Have you ever started a business and built something? Have you ever watched people raise their families from the wages you pay them and see how they and you make the world a little better with hard work and commitment? And what I've had to endure is nothing compared to what my parents went through. And what I've done to try to improve the world is nothing compared to what my grandparents did. You make me sick.
          • krebcycle, on 01/10/2008, -0/+5Yet another presumptuous *****. I've started multiple businesses, some successful, others not. I've worked 60+ hours per week since I've been an adult to further the technologies and business ideologies that are keeping this country at the leading edge. ***** you and your ***** *****. You and others with your conservative idiotic stances are ***** this country to the ground, ***** you. And besides, your comments and the ***** you replied to have NOTHING to do with this funny satirical Onion article which was retarded at worst and hilarious at best. I couldn't care less about how old you are. Shut The ***** Up.
          • Jackar00, on 01/10/2008, -0/+6Nice post keysersoze9. You know, you're right, I'm a self-obsessed ***** with no understanding of how the real world works. But, thanks to your insightful post I'll understand what a ***** saint you are, and what a terrible person I am just for existing. I should probably just shoot myself in the head right now. I just wish you'd explain how I might better suck your dick, you magnificent bastard.
            /sarcasm off
            *****
    • omelette, on 01/10/2008, -1/+9get off my lawn you hooligans!!!
    • coyoteblue, on 01/10/2008, -0/+1You're god damn right we don't have any respect. Respect is something earned. What the hell has your generation done to earn respect? All I see in older generations is racism, bigotry, and steadfast attachment to dead ideas.

      Your generation has ruined this planet through your mentality of conveniance over morality. If it's good for America, then ***** the rest of the world.

      And for the record, I'm 18, a student, and work over 25 hours a week at both a regular job and a volunteer job with underpriveleged children. So please sir, don't give me any ***** about not knowing what it is to sacrifice.
  • hddigger, on 01/10/2008, -28/+6I hate the onion. I read as far as "*****". buried
    • sockpuppets, on 01/10/2008, -1/+10It was more entertaining than your comment.
    • omelette, on 01/10/2008, -0/+9now we know... we apologize for the bother... from now on we'll check with you before we post *****
    • BarriedaleNick, on 01/10/2008, -0/+2I got as far as reading "I hate" in your post and thought lets just bury the ignorant *****..
  • oMeSSiaHo, on 01/10/2008, -2/+5OMG I just re-read it and imagined his voice. I'm having trouble breathing right now!
  • MeatBiProduct, on 01/10/2008, -3/+4couldn't have written it better myself.
  • popov0, on 01/10/2008, -1/+14Maybe China will post this story as real in their country.
  • acyork, on 01/10/2008, -15/+1Maybe he could get Chuck Norris as a running mate!
  • midoritsuru, on 01/10/2008, -1/+9THAT's what I'm talking about! I kind of wish he'd actually *said* this...
    So dugg.
  • ryanere, on 01/10/2008, -2/+5that was glorious
  • dxgg, on 02/05/2008, -11/+5Whoa, Jimmy! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
    • buckrogers1965, on 01/10/2008, -0/+4No. He kisses your momma with that mouth.
    • alexandramw, on 01/10/2008, -0/+1Oh that's original. Gold star for you buddy.
  • RobN, on 01/10/2008, -19/+10profanity =/= humor

    Not that most modern comedians understand that....
    • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -0/+13I agree, but this, this onion was beyond simple pandering to the monkeys with profanity. Absolutely Brilliant.
    • schnitzi, on 01/10/2008, -2/+17Yes, but the presence of profanity doesn't mean it ISN'T funny. Not that most modern curmudgeons understand that...
    • rmgustaf, on 01/11/2008, -0/+0Profanity isn't necessarily funny, sure. But Jimmy *****' Carter spoutin' off like a sailor for two pages... that's priceless.
  • aratika, on 01/10/2008, -23/+6Yeah - this is a parody. You GenX Digg Hippies missed growing up watching the evening news count the days that American hostages remained stuck in Iran....dumbasses.
    • dxgg, on 02/05/2008, -2/+7er...both Hippies and GenXers were well alive between 1979 and 1981 and old enough to have watched the news. *rolls eyes* I think you're referring to your grandchildren.
    • SteveIsTheDude, on 01/10/2008, -7/+4I Dugg you up for "GenX Digg Hippies", that ***** is funny, the rest of your comment makes no sense, but, ROCK ON!
    • sodade, on 01/10/2008, -1/+12Yeah - well, I was 8 in 76, but I also remember that tricky lil Iran Contra thing that you idiots seem to conveniently "forget."
    • buckrogers1965, on 01/10/2008, -0/+3You mean where Regan made a deal for them to keep the hostages a year longer than they wanted to in exchange for a whole crap load of gold?

      Yeah, I'm old enough to remember that.
  • chrisutley, on 01/10/2008, -3/+6That is one pissed off ex-President.
  • s0m31john, on 01/10/2008, -3/+22I for one welcome our new peanut farming overlord.
  • glucoseboy, on 01/10/2008, -4/+4Bravo!
  • max420, on 01/10/2008, -16/+2Was that REALLY written by Jimmy Carter? I mean it is the Onion after all....
    • SteveIsTheDude, on 01/10/2008, -0/+14Yes, Jimmy Carter wrote it. Go back to sleep.
    • transitive, on 01/10/2008, -0/+4yep, he was a navy man after all, swears like a sailor. that ***** is real.
  • Roger_Ramjet, on 01/10/2008, -29/+8Worst. President. Ever.
    • christor, on 01/10/2008, -1/+7Bush the Younger would pretty much have to detonate, intentionally, a nuclear weapon in an American city in order for the last 20% to concede that he absolutely sucks. Even then 15% would equivocate, wondering whether the detonation might have hidden upsides. At least 10% would see little harm, what with the impending rapture and all.
    • mhuggins, on 01/10/2008, -2/+2Congratulations on pretty much copying atmenterprises's comment.
  • ZenMojo, on 01/10/2008, -5/+23Dugg for *****' truth. I hear the Secret Service jumped Carter after he curbstomped Ronald Reagan for taking the solar panels down off the White House. (What, you think Reagan was always that ugly?)
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