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I Got What America Needs Right Here
theonion.com — Jimmy Carter rips the current campaign a new one
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I'd paste a favorite quote or two, but A) that's lame and B) it's all hilarious.
*****. -
best onion article I've read in a long time. HILARIOUS
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Excellent!
I especially liked the inclusion of his big hairy ballsack. -
If that was a campaign speech, he'd have my vote.
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This is the ultimate stump speech.I can hear him saying all of that. Georgia accent and everything!!
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Its funny for a few paragraphs but then the sheer verbal violence of it overpowers the humor so I stopped reading.
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tears of laughter rolling down face.
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I had no idea Jimmy Carter had such a potty mouth
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There's more truth in that then coming out of all the puppets "running" cakeholes combined.
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Dug for "I'd be honored to do it—with my ***** dick in your mouth"
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bravo, love the onion. Agree with punkdemons, the 2nd to last line is perfection.
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That ***** is great! And that really is the way a lot of people feel. Just not in those words.
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Carter 08' :p
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Worst. President. In. History.
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*yawn*
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I thought it was going to show a pair of balls.
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great article i louik it
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Am I the only one who expected a Ron Paul article and who was relieved when it wasn't?
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Jimmy, No one cares, you one term *****!
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Jimmy Carter seems a little more riled-up than usual in this article.
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Amazing what you kids think about the country (most) of you live in and all of the sacrafices made to put your little snot noses in front of a computer, in air conditioned cars, and not having to work but a few hours a day. America is made up of you, the very country you despise, yet live in. It's not the soil, or the buildings but the people. That is "you", and don't give me the whining how bad everyone else is and somehow your crap doesn't stink. There's some that take the easy road and whine and put down others in order for them to appear tall.
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This Onion article had way to much truth in it.. I wish "non-fake" news sources would have this much truth in them.
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Jimmy Carter is what's up.
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He may not have actually said it, but he's thinkin' it!
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Wow, that was the best thing I read all day. God Bless Jimmy Carter! ( Wish it was real though =/ )
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cool, Carter wants to bring back 18% inflation
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lol @ jimmy carter
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FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU "***** ADVERTISING!"
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I got to "ballsack" before I realized I was reading The Onion. I don't know why it didn't seem all that unreasonable until then...
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That just...ROCKED! And I must point out that I've never even heard of the word "*****" and will use it proudly now!
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God, I wish he really wrote that.
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I hope he does not talk that way when he teachs Sunday school... "Get out your workbooks, Bitches!"
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It took a second to realize that was the onion. Too bad. Would have been ridiculously cool if it wasn't.
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***REPOST FOR ACCURACY***
Amazing what you kids think about the country (most) of you live in and all of the sacrafices made to put your little snot noses in front of a computer, in air conditioned cars, and not having to work but a few hours a day. America is made up of you, the very country you despise, yet live in. It's not the soil, or the buildings but the people. That is "you", and don't give me the whining how bad everyone else is and somehow your crap doesn't stink. There's some that take the easy road and whine and put down others in order for them to appear tall. -
I hate the onion. I read as far as "*****". buried
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OMG I just re-read it and imagined his voice. I'm having trouble breathing right now!
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couldn't have written it better myself.
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Maybe China will post this story as real in their country.
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Maybe he could get Chuck Norris as a running mate!
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THAT's what I'm talking about! I kind of wish he'd actually *said* this...
So dugg. -
that was glorious
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Whoa, Jimmy! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
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profanity =/= humor
Not that most modern comedians understand that.... -
Yeah - this is a parody. You GenX Digg Hippies missed growing up watching the evening news count the days that American hostages remained stuck in Iran....dumbasses.
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That is one ***** off ex-President.
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I for one welcome our new peanut farming overlord.
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Bravo!
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Was that REALLY written by Jimmy Carter? I mean it is the Onion after all....
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Worst. President. Ever.
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Dugg for *****' truth. I hear the Secret Service jumped Carter after he curbstomped Ronald Reagan for taking the solar panels down off the White House. (What, you think Reagan was always that ugly?)
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